What happened, Jessica? Did you win the lottery? No. Did you get a boyfriend? No. Did you find five dollars in your jeans? I wish.
So what happened?
I guess it would be more something that is "happening." I am getting confirmation and not from people but from God. He is somehow showing me that all the ideas I have been bouncing around in my brain are viable and true ideas. A friend of mine was chatting with me last week and we somehow got on the topic of dreams and I told her I have big ones. She kinda laughed and asked something to the effect of when would I ever have enough. My response was this: "I am a big dreamer; God made me that way. So I dream big. When God blows those dreams out of the water, what choice do I have but to dream bigger?" And that is the truth!
Why would I stop? Why would I put God in a box when He has proven over and over again that He will not be put in one?
This morning, as I prayed, I had a session of praise, just thanking God for giving me such clear direction in life. I never said the way was easy. It has not been, it is not, nor will it ever be. But I know He is guiding me and He is making the steps very clear in His time.
This morning, I listened to part 2 of my podcast interview on Covenant Eyes. I sent an email to the producer just chatting about the podcast and the editing and such. Throughout that, I was introduced to yet another young woman, a teenager, struggling with pornography. My heart instantly broke for her. One of the questions asked in the interview was if we felt alone in our struggle. I thought I was alone, in hindsight, I really wish I was. I hate to think of the pain and emptiness those other women are feeling, and wish I had a little barcode scanner thing. I would just walk around and be able to tell who needed help. That burden, that brokenness was confirmation for me that yes, this is something I need to be doing right now.
But there's more. Is there allowed to be more?
Earlier this month, on Facebook (I have way too many blog things) I talked about how God was molding my life. How He was changing my desires and my emphasis on ministry. In that post (which is way too long to repost here)I talked about the hurt we see around us and how we need to reach out to help heal that hurt.
I decided to start throwing myself out of my comfort zone. There needs to be a label on the first step though. It's a doozy, and you should know, God never stops with the first step.
Every Monday and Tuesday, as I drive to babysitting, I pass by a little old lady on a street corner just a mile or so from home. She is there without fail, with her little cardboard sign, gnarled hair and toothless smile. I've given a dollar or two a couple times just to stave my conscience. I decided to do something else. Something bigger. I decided to actually treat her like she is a human.
See, she is a human. She was created for a purpose, just as much as I was. She has a story. A story only God knows. I don't know how she ended up on a street corner, but I know that many times, were it not for the grace of God, my family would have been on the street as well. It speaks nothing to her as a person, but it does speak to her heart. She is someone God loves. Someone God longs to be with. As someone who is supposed to be modeling Christ's love, I am commanded to see her as God would see her. Beautiful. Precious. Worthy.
This morning, as I prayed, I prayed for that little lady on the street corner. She hasn't been there for the past two weeks and I do not know why. I began to wonder if I was wrong, if I had gone off-focus. Then, through the same conversation with the producer, I stumbled across a blog of thoughts for the day. The thought posted today (which is actually for August 17) is this:
I was asked “if Jesus was here now where would he go to church?” I think he wouldn’t. I think the church would go to him. And if the church would go to Christ if he were here, and Christ said he was the least of these, maybe we know where the church should be.
Wow. All of the thoughts from my rambling Facebook note condensed into a mini-paragraph. I have to work on my writing!
My life feels like it is beginning to meld into the lives of others, which is weird. I feel like my passions are starting to find roots in the passions of others. It is an amazing phenomenon, but really indescribable. How amazing is it that God would give me this passion for purity, then connect me with a group of authors and singers with the same passion. How amazing is it that God would give me a heart for the hurting and then bring to light others with the same heart? How amazing is it that God would give me a desire to help people live livesof reckless abandon and then use mainstream people of influence to pave the way for that?
This is how the body of Christ is meant to work. This, my friends, is THE life.